Love
by Lisa Sutherland
Summary: Harry is incredible burdened with his evil gardians and the small matter of being the saviour of the wizarding world. He turns to mutilation to ease the pain, until he realizes his best relief was there all along. Harry x Draco HPDM, rated cutting onesho


So, I know, I normally stick to KH fanfics, I'm in a pretty angsty mood, and was reading up on some Harry Potter fics, and decided to give my monkey a night off. This is, of course about cutting, self-injury in general, maybe some abuse, and who knows, my monkey could probably fit some more great topics in here.

Disclaimer: I am poor, which, I suppose means, I, in no way, shape or form, own Harry Potter, the books, characters, etc. That, my lovelies, belongs to JKR, so don't sue, pleez, lol. 

Harry sat there, staring forlornly at his arm, just wondering why? He was in the bathroom of course, it was a little after midnight, and he could see all the brilliant stars out the window sparkle so beautifully. But he, he was ugly, or he felt that way. No one would want anything to do with him even if he was attractive. He was followed by death, Cedric, his mother, father, and S-…He didn't even want to think about that name, when he did, he couldn't quell the torrent of tears and racking sobs that consumed him. They were all his fault. Had he not been born, they'd still be alive. They would, and at that moment, Harry, just as he always did, realized why he was there covered in blood and tears. 

He looked down at his arms, now covered in dry flaking blood, and felt the urge to inflict some more damage, to help rising the enveloping pain. He stared a long moment at his blade, a simple razor section he kept at all time hidden on the side of his wand. It was his savior and his satan. He raised the blade once more, and dragged it across his flesh seven more times, he hated lucky numbers, nothing was lucky about them anyway. As he sat there feeling the crimson red tears soak down his arms, he felt that feeling only cutting brought him, separation, from reality, from everything. He just closed his eyes and enjoyed the momentary sanctity and numbness, until reality came crashing down upon him. 

After cleaning up, he looked at the clock, half past midnight, he needed to go to sleep, he couldn't afford to miss any more classes. He wrapped his cloak around him, and ran to his room, crawled under the covers and quickly fell asleep, sleep followed by nightmares of death and pain.

Harry awoke the next morning shivering, the same dream of Sirius's demise, over and over. He awoke to Ron shaking him awake. Harry quickly assured him he was alright before dawning fresh robes and running to class. 

He had noticed Hermione and Ron growing worried about him, constantly followed by stares and whispered concerns. As if he needed more to worry about. Classes were harder, NEWT level, Snape and McGonagall were unrelenting on the homework, and at the moment it was a little too much.

As He entered the hall for a bite, Hermione and Ron fell silent and gave eachother quick understanding looks. Harry noticed this, grabbed some food and sat by them. They immediately asked how he was, and if he wanted to talk, they were there for him. He hated that, feeling pitied, worried about, they were the ones that needed worrying about, they associated with him, and everyone who associated with him, well, they died, like his god father, who he had finally just got to know, and wanted to live with him, and who, who, a flashback played through Harry's mind, Sirius always went through the tapestry, and he never came back. 

He got up and went to the bathroom, drawing stares as he went, and one stare he hadn't counted on. He ran to the restroom, and extracted his beloved tool that brought peace and numbness, of all things, the one thing he wanted most, numbness. He was rushed, class in 20 minutes across the castle so he didn't enter a stall, and he exposed his arm, red and swollen from the previous night, and felt that ever familiar sense of absentness he'd grown so fond of. Until he heard the soft drawl of none other than Draco Malfoy, and he immediately grabbed his wand and made to leave as soon as possible until Malfoy grabbed his arm, but ever so gently, and pulled him back. 

"Potter, what are you doing? I think I know, but I want to here it from you." He stated looking into my eyes. I couldn't help the silent sobs that racked my body as I tried to leave, he was too strong though, and I crumpled to the floor grabbing my knees and refusing to look up. 

I expected him to leave, but he surprised me, he sunk down and lifted my chin, staring into my eyes, and told me something that about made me faint. "I'm worried about you" he spoke softly, with creases in his brow and tears welling in his eyes. That wasn't the normal Draco, he hates me? He's not supposed to care about me, tear up in concern, what was going on here?

"Let me see your arms" he requested, gently lifting one of them, and uncovering the scarred and bleeding flesh below. "Harry, I'm going to heal these, and then, we're going to go on a long walk, ok." He said already mumbling and waving his wand over my abused arms as the fresh cuts healed to nothingness. 

I stopped shaking, and still in a quivering voice, whispered, "You should go to class, I'm fine" as a another sob took over my body and I dove my head into my arms and continued crying. He pulled me into an embrace, and held me until I calmed down, and then he lead me out of the castle and onto the grounds.

I couldn't understand it, why was he caring? Not making sneering remarks at me and laughing? I looked at him, and asked, "Draco, why are you doing this, why do you care about me, I thought you hated me?" He looked at me, and laughed; I stopped in my tracks and stared at him. He stopped laughing long enough to say, "Harry, I'm quite the opposite, I could never hate you, from the first moment I saw you, I knew I loved you. But I could tell you liked Hermione, and I thought you would completely deject me if you knew I was gay. So I put on an act, better to know you as an enemy, than to not know you at all. Or that's what I thought. But, I watched you from afar, tried to bump into you as much as possible, and until now, maintained my cover. But, I've been so worried about you. Dad told me what happened at the ministry, and about you godfather, and I've noticed how even your own best friends don't know what to say or do with you. So, here I am."

Harry knew Draco was being sincere just from the look in his eye. And the thing was, he had liked Draco as well, but kept Hermione as a charade. The two sat, Harry leaning onto Draco's shoulder, and spent the day watching the lake and talking about this and that, until Draco lead Harry into the castle so they could pick up there missed homework together. The teachers thought it odd the two hanging out together, missing class together, but Dumbledore had told them all to let it be, they all knew something was wrong with Harry, and anything to ease his pain was worth a few missed classes.

After finishing their homework, the couple went to the astronomy tower and gazed at the stars, and into each others eyes. As the night grew truly dark, the pair left the tower and before parting there own separate ways, embraced whist they had their first kiss, slow at first, than passionate. They kissed until hearing the noise of footsteps and a small girlish cough. They looked around to see none other than Hermione Granger, who, surprisedly, was smiling. They laughed and parted, telling each other they'd meet for breakfast. And that's how it ended. Harry had found true love, and despite his burdens, his troubled past, his addictions, he got through it, and in the end, not only was the wizarding world saved, but Harry and Draco ended happily ever after. 

OK, I know, a little short, sappy, but I wanted to finish it, and a happy Harry is always good, a happy Harry and Draco is the best! I hope you liked it.


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